Covenant House Vancouver

We are very concerned about our 16 year old son and haven't heard you talk on the radio about this subject. Our son over the last year or so has been withdrawing from us as well as his friends. He won't have friends over any more and only sees one friend outside of school. Luckily they have an activity they do together twice a week or I fear he wouldn't see any of his peers. He stay is the basement most of the time or in his room. He prefers to play video games over everything else. I'm not sure where to go with our concerns.

RESPONSE:

If you get a sense that your son is depressed, talk to your family doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist. If he is struggling with depression, counselling and/or medication may be an option. A certain amount of depression is common amongst teenagers but the bottom line is that you are uncomfortable with how your son is withdrawing and this needs to be addressed.

It is somewhat common for teenagers to withdraw a bit from their parents, however this change seems to be dramatic enough to cause you concern. The first thing we suggest is to try to engage with your son to get a better idea of what is going on with him. This probably won't be easy and will take some focus and creativity on your part. Does his one friend come over to the house for any reason? If not, invite the friend over for dinner and make it as non-threatening as possible (pizza in front of the TV?). It is great that he has that one activity - what is it - can you participate or support it in some way?

You can take an interest in his video game playing but know that the video game playing and withdrawal are simply "symptoms" and they are not the problem. This is simple sounding advice, but, teenagers generally withdraw to "avoid" something. If you can tease out what he is avoiding, you will be able to join him "where he is at".

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