Covenant House Vancouver

All parents get furious at their children. We can't help it. But some parents feel bad about being angry and keep quiet. Though it's easy to say things in anger that you don't mean, anger can also spark talks that will help you and your teen get to know each other better.

Some guidelines:

• When you get mad, don't blame or accuse. Say how you FEEL--annoyed, irritated, upset, etc.--and why. Be specific. Talk facts. Blaming only forces a teen to argue his point, arouses tempers, and kills dialogue.
• Think solution, not victory. Don't try to win arguments.
• Stick to the present incident. Fighting old battles will only aggravate a situation.
• Be careful not to attack your teen's person or character. Say "I'm furious that you didn't clean up after the mess you made!" — not "You're a lazy slob!" Your son or daughter may give up trying to improve.
• If the situation is touchy, put your ideas in a letter. You can say exactly what you mean — and your teen will have time to think it over before answering.
• Ignoring problems won't make them go away.