Getting Along With Your Teen
Here are some ideas and techniques you can try to improve your relationship with your teen. If they don't work at first, keep trying. They take practice.
- Make time for your teen. Find an activity you enjoy doing together and pursue it. If your invitations are declined, keep asking.
- Listen, really listen. Because parents have so much to do and so little time, we often try to listen while cleaning, washing dishes or fixing the car. Put your chores aside so your teen knows you're really paying attention.
- Take the long view. Don't treat minor mishaps as major catastrophes. Choose the important issues. Don't make your home a battleground.
- Tolerate differences. View your teenager as an in individual distinct from you. This doesn't mean you can't state your opinion if you disagree.
- Respect your teenager's privacy. If a behavior is worrying you, speak up.
- Let your teens sort things out themselves. Never say that you know how your teen feels. They believe their feelings, so new and personal, are unique. They'll learn otherwise-without your help. And never imply that their feelings don't matter or will change. Because teens live in the present, it doesn't matter that they'll soon feel differently.
- Don't judge. State facts instead of opinions when you praise or criticize. Stating facts like "Your poem made me smile" or "This report card is all Cs and Ds!" leaves it up to your teen to draw the appropriate conclusions. Teens are sensitive about being judged-positively as well as negatively.
- Be generous with praise. Praise your child's efforts, not just accomplishments. And don't comment on the person. "You're a great artist"' is hard to live up to. "I loved that drawing" is a fact and comes from your heart.
- Set reasonable limits. Teens need them. Your rules should be consistently applied - and rooted in your deepest beliefs and values.
- Teach your teen to make sensible decisions and choices by encouraging independence and letting your teenager make mistakes. Don't step in unless you have to.